Dear God/dess,
Why do I fall back into the same patterns. Today was pretty bad. I want to get away from this family. I was doing quite well with monitoring my empathy and today I completely let everything in. And what was scary is that is how I felt during my depression. And that is why I had to go on antidepressants. Now in hindsight this explains my childhood perfectly. As I type this it actually makes a lot of sense. So in some ways this brings some closure. My family has always been so negative. Maybe this is why I incarnated to this family. I just can't see how they are going to change.
I think that I am officially over spiritual people. They don't give me comfort like the unawakened people do and frankly that is irritating. Probably I will say the opposite of this in a few weeks. I flipflop. What I need is stability. Really any kind would be nice. Things change so quickly and I just want to be able to sit sometimes. I don't know if You really have my back. You need to show me. I want proof in the physical, the woo woo is not working anymore. Show me, I need help and am willing to receive it. I will honestly take it from anyone. I need my own place to live. I need my own income. School is almost over but camp does not pay enough. And I am speaking the truth.
I'm taking a break from what I have been doing. I am going to manifest things in the physical exclusively. I like anything that feels good to the senses. I'm taking a break from shadow work. Left hand path here we go!
John
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