Dear God/dess,
I need to be out in nature more. I have been felling very tired. I have break though when I am in nature. This was more on the lines of a breakdown. I have just been tired and on edge lately. I stressed about school ending soon and the work that needs to be done. 21 days until the end of school. All I can think about is how I want to go to camp. Camp might be the same nightmare. Well as it looks from here it is. I just need to stay out of it and not engage. But I happen to love drama and feed of it. I evidently don't know what I want right now. Well I do. I want the work to be all done. I do not need these three assignments looming over me. What is more they are not that much work. I'm beating myself up for no reason. I want peace. I want people to talk to about spiritual things. I have no one at this school. If there are any (which there are) they should be able to sense and find me. Its not that hard I have a big violet gold aura. (sigh). Well I am getting productive again so I am going to try to get the most out of this next wave.
Thank you for the support and please send more,
John Magnuson
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
cultural appropriation
Dear God/dess,
So today has turned into looking at cultural appropriation. There was a video posted on the Youtube Pagan group about White people culturally appropriating everything https://youtu.be/SpX1h_gGjfI. That is the understanding of the video. I do understand this. Various new age and pagans do this. It is very well known and obvious.
Now what I do not agree that people can only work with gods and goddesses from their ancestors pantheon. This is very limiting of a philosophy for me. I have always had a connection with ancient Egyptian mythology, the Greek and Roman and the Nordic pantheons. I have Swedish heritage. My mother's mom's side is Czech. Long line of ceremonial magicians from grandma. Mom's father was adopted so we don't know what that quarter is. I am learning more about the Nordic pantheon. I am learning more Thor because he has been showing up.
Are their people that do this because it is "trendy". Yes. I happen to be a person that loves to research and learn. If I was called by any god or goddess, I would research the HELL out of them. I would be open to learning about them and the customs. My issue with the video was that it put up unneeded separation. Especially for someone who is gender queer and attempting to remove separation and obstacles in other areas.
So tonight I am asking you if you can show me. Is it ok? Where is there a crossing of the line? I need a lesson or an illustration about this.
thanks,
John
So today has turned into looking at cultural appropriation. There was a video posted on the Youtube Pagan group about White people culturally appropriating everything https://youtu.be/SpX1h_gGjfI. That is the understanding of the video. I do understand this. Various new age and pagans do this. It is very well known and obvious.
Now what I do not agree that people can only work with gods and goddesses from their ancestors pantheon. This is very limiting of a philosophy for me. I have always had a connection with ancient Egyptian mythology, the Greek and Roman and the Nordic pantheons. I have Swedish heritage. My mother's mom's side is Czech. Long line of ceremonial magicians from grandma. Mom's father was adopted so we don't know what that quarter is. I am learning more about the Nordic pantheon. I am learning more Thor because he has been showing up.
Are their people that do this because it is "trendy". Yes. I happen to be a person that loves to research and learn. If I was called by any god or goddess, I would research the HELL out of them. I would be open to learning about them and the customs. My issue with the video was that it put up unneeded separation. Especially for someone who is gender queer and attempting to remove separation and obstacles in other areas.
So tonight I am asking you if you can show me. Is it ok? Where is there a crossing of the line? I need a lesson or an illustration about this.
thanks,
John
Saturday, April 18, 2015
masquerade
Dear God/dess,
I am trying to beat myself up over the amount of work I have. I have three big projects that I should get started on so there is no rush at the end. Two full lab reports and a paper. Once I get started I can pump out the paper. It's for theology class. I can pump this out tonight.
Tonight is spring ball. So I feel everyones anxiousness about the night. Everyone is leaving for the ball so I think the feelings will subside soon. It's masquerade themed. I always have loved masquerade balls. This has to be a past life thing. Must have been some enchanted evening. I'm not too bummed that I am not going. this ball would not be as classy as others I have been to. I think its the mystery of the whole event. You cannot see peoples faces so you need to use your other skills to figure them out. Other people might like it because they can hide behind the mask. A rare few might find it totally liberating. They can be their true selves for the night (sort of like halloween). One night where you do not need to be a construct.
I also have all of the 'spiritual' work as well. Making youtube videos, posting on the blog, promoting myself. I'm really just beating up on myself. I was trying to do these blogs for every day. I know the summer will be worth blogging about more.
John
I am trying to beat myself up over the amount of work I have. I have three big projects that I should get started on so there is no rush at the end. Two full lab reports and a paper. Once I get started I can pump out the paper. It's for theology class. I can pump this out tonight.
Tonight is spring ball. So I feel everyones anxiousness about the night. Everyone is leaving for the ball so I think the feelings will subside soon. It's masquerade themed. I always have loved masquerade balls. This has to be a past life thing. Must have been some enchanted evening. I'm not too bummed that I am not going. this ball would not be as classy as others I have been to. I think its the mystery of the whole event. You cannot see peoples faces so you need to use your other skills to figure them out. Other people might like it because they can hide behind the mask. A rare few might find it totally liberating. They can be their true selves for the night (sort of like halloween). One night where you do not need to be a construct.
I also have all of the 'spiritual' work as well. Making youtube videos, posting on the blog, promoting myself. I'm really just beating up on myself. I was trying to do these blogs for every day. I know the summer will be worth blogging about more.
John
Monday, April 13, 2015
question about drama
Dear God/dess,
Today I have a question about drama. It really doesn't make sense. I use to enjoy reality tv. I always wanted to be on MTV's The Real World. And how knows I might be on a season. They can call it the "metaphysical freak show". Put 8 spiritual people in a house and see what happens. Will the starseed punch someone? Can the elemental and incarnated angel make the relationship work?
There is drama in the spiritual community at large. People are eating it up and encouraging it. Team this, team that, him, her. I get that karma is balancing. This just seems... unneeded. Aren't we past this?
John
Today I have a question about drama. It really doesn't make sense. I use to enjoy reality tv. I always wanted to be on MTV's The Real World. And how knows I might be on a season. They can call it the "metaphysical freak show". Put 8 spiritual people in a house and see what happens. Will the starseed punch someone? Can the elemental and incarnated angel make the relationship work?
There is drama in the spiritual community at large. People are eating it up and encouraging it. Team this, team that, him, her. I get that karma is balancing. This just seems... unneeded. Aren't we past this?
John
Sunday, April 12, 2015
staying consistent
Dear God/dess,
I'm finding it hard to keep up with this. I don't want to do them in the morning because nothing has really happened. Then at night I am tired and fall asleep. I want to keep doing this mainly to prove to myself that I can do this. I have tired to keep a journal or blog for a period of time without stopping. I was hoping that this would be everyday but that is not happening at this point. I need to keep moving forward and not count this as a failure. This is the beginning. I am going to do this over a whole year.
Tomorrow is both class registration and also housing lottery. Please help both of these. Registration always causes problems. The school is getting a new system next year which hopefully will be better than this one. We are the first people to choose so that opens up possibilities. Housing will be fine for us its just that it is overwhelming as an empath. I'm noticing that my empathic abilities have increased. I need to remember to shield and ground. The solar flare took a lot out of me. I want to return back to the level of energy that I had before.
John
I'm finding it hard to keep up with this. I don't want to do them in the morning because nothing has really happened. Then at night I am tired and fall asleep. I want to keep doing this mainly to prove to myself that I can do this. I have tired to keep a journal or blog for a period of time without stopping. I was hoping that this would be everyday but that is not happening at this point. I need to keep moving forward and not count this as a failure. This is the beginning. I am going to do this over a whole year.
Tomorrow is both class registration and also housing lottery. Please help both of these. Registration always causes problems. The school is getting a new system next year which hopefully will be better than this one. We are the first people to choose so that opens up possibilities. Housing will be fine for us its just that it is overwhelming as an empath. I'm noticing that my empathic abilities have increased. I need to remember to shield and ground. The solar flare took a lot out of me. I want to return back to the level of energy that I had before.
John
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
is it weird
Dear God/dess,
I want the lab to be cancelled tomorrow. Today was great with all the extra time because Cell and molecular was canceled. I am grateful that the theology paper is extended. I would not be able to finish it tonight. I also need to work on my schedule for next year. It stinks that with to science professors on maternity leave that I got moved to someone in the psychology department. Right now I am looking up biscuit recipes on Pinterest. I have flour and eggs that I need to use. i might channel in a recipe. I am tired but not in a total drained way.
I have gotten the message and am looking in to shamanism. I don't know what to call myself then. Am I a sorcerer with shamanic practices? I know you will give me the sign. I do need some more finances so I can buy these books. I go for the used copies so I can buy more of them. I want to be able to sustain myself. Can you give me some signs and lessons about how I should do this. That would be very helpful.
good night
John Magnuson
I want the lab to be cancelled tomorrow. Today was great with all the extra time because Cell and molecular was canceled. I am grateful that the theology paper is extended. I would not be able to finish it tonight. I also need to work on my schedule for next year. It stinks that with to science professors on maternity leave that I got moved to someone in the psychology department. Right now I am looking up biscuit recipes on Pinterest. I have flour and eggs that I need to use. i might channel in a recipe. I am tired but not in a total drained way.
I have gotten the message and am looking in to shamanism. I don't know what to call myself then. Am I a sorcerer with shamanic practices? I know you will give me the sign. I do need some more finances so I can buy these books. I go for the used copies so I can buy more of them. I want to be able to sustain myself. Can you give me some signs and lessons about how I should do this. That would be very helpful.
good night
John Magnuson
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Bound to hit a wall... but bounce off!
Dear God/dess,
Why do I fall back into the same patterns. Today was pretty bad. I want to get away from this family. I was doing quite well with monitoring my empathy and today I completely let everything in. And what was scary is that is how I felt during my depression. And that is why I had to go on antidepressants. Now in hindsight this explains my childhood perfectly. As I type this it actually makes a lot of sense. So in some ways this brings some closure. My family has always been so negative. Maybe this is why I incarnated to this family. I just can't see how they are going to change.
I think that I am officially over spiritual people. They don't give me comfort like the unawakened people do and frankly that is irritating. Probably I will say the opposite of this in a few weeks. I flipflop. What I need is stability. Really any kind would be nice. Things change so quickly and I just want to be able to sit sometimes. I don't know if You really have my back. You need to show me. I want proof in the physical, the woo woo is not working anymore. Show me, I need help and am willing to receive it. I will honestly take it from anyone. I need my own place to live. I need my own income. School is almost over but camp does not pay enough. And I am speaking the truth.
I'm taking a break from what I have been doing. I am going to manifest things in the physical exclusively. I like anything that feels good to the senses. I'm taking a break from shadow work. Left hand path here we go!
John
Why do I fall back into the same patterns. Today was pretty bad. I want to get away from this family. I was doing quite well with monitoring my empathy and today I completely let everything in. And what was scary is that is how I felt during my depression. And that is why I had to go on antidepressants. Now in hindsight this explains my childhood perfectly. As I type this it actually makes a lot of sense. So in some ways this brings some closure. My family has always been so negative. Maybe this is why I incarnated to this family. I just can't see how they are going to change.
I think that I am officially over spiritual people. They don't give me comfort like the unawakened people do and frankly that is irritating. Probably I will say the opposite of this in a few weeks. I flipflop. What I need is stability. Really any kind would be nice. Things change so quickly and I just want to be able to sit sometimes. I don't know if You really have my back. You need to show me. I want proof in the physical, the woo woo is not working anymore. Show me, I need help and am willing to receive it. I will honestly take it from anyone. I need my own place to live. I need my own income. School is almost over but camp does not pay enough. And I am speaking the truth.
I'm taking a break from what I have been doing. I am going to manifest things in the physical exclusively. I like anything that feels good to the senses. I'm taking a break from shadow work. Left hand path here we go!
John
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Dear God/dess,
Hi. Today was the full moon lunar eclipse. I was awoken at 4:44 in the morning. Thank you for this awesome sign (look at angel numbers). Today was interesting. It had mostly shadowy aspects. I was triggered a few times. Not as majorly as the past, which I guess means that I am getting somewhere with shadow work. I know you can do both positive focus and shadow work. I believe that this is the truest way.
Well I am happy to say that I will be going to another hangout with Contessa. She does them on full moons. I am happy that I met her because she has me on her show.
I need to do more videos. I need to get myself out there more. God/dess I question if my followers, which is small, will be with me after this summer. I worry about how my following is growing. I want it to go faster. Mainly because I want to feel validated. I was not very validated as a child. Now my sister is the high standard maker. Mom laughed because my sister has become her.
john
Hi. Today was the full moon lunar eclipse. I was awoken at 4:44 in the morning. Thank you for this awesome sign (look at angel numbers). Today was interesting. It had mostly shadowy aspects. I was triggered a few times. Not as majorly as the past, which I guess means that I am getting somewhere with shadow work. I know you can do both positive focus and shadow work. I believe that this is the truest way.
Well I am happy to say that I will be going to another hangout with Contessa. She does them on full moons. I am happy that I met her because she has me on her show.
I need to do more videos. I need to get myself out there more. God/dess I question if my followers, which is small, will be with me after this summer. I worry about how my following is growing. I want it to go faster. Mainly because I want to feel validated. I was not very validated as a child. Now my sister is the high standard maker. Mom laughed because my sister has become her.
john
Friday, April 3, 2015
I'm still here
Dear God/dess,
I have been busy, sorry I did not end up writing for the past few days. It has been a great last few days.
Tuesday night I was at two web get togethers. First I was at my friend Ameera's info session about her Hawaii retreat. You can check her Facebook page for more info https://www.facebook.com/mergirl44/timeline. I will be in school at this time but I would love to be there. Next I was at The Voice of Odin. Jeremy White is a celtic shaman and rune master. He read some Nordic mythology and then took some questions. He also takes questions for the runes. I highly recommend this. https://www.facebook.com/jeremyrjwhite
Wednesday I got back from home and relaxed a lot. I have been going so hard it is very nice to rest.
Thursday was mainly shopping with my sister. Thank you for putting the marble sphere infant of me at Target. I love it! So not much got done. But I am ok with that.
Today I will do some outlining and hopefully write a discussion section.
thanks,
John Magnuson
I have been busy, sorry I did not end up writing for the past few days. It has been a great last few days.
Tuesday night I was at two web get togethers. First I was at my friend Ameera's info session about her Hawaii retreat. You can check her Facebook page for more info https://www.facebook.com/mergirl44/timeline. I will be in school at this time but I would love to be there. Next I was at The Voice of Odin. Jeremy White is a celtic shaman and rune master. He read some Nordic mythology and then took some questions. He also takes questions for the runes. I highly recommend this. https://www.facebook.com/jeremyrjwhite
Wednesday I got back from home and relaxed a lot. I have been going so hard it is very nice to rest.
Thursday was mainly shopping with my sister. Thank you for putting the marble sphere infant of me at Target. I love it! So not much got done. But I am ok with that.
Today I will do some outlining and hopefully write a discussion section.
thanks,
John Magnuson
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